Travelguide to Syria

Step 1.  Gather the troops

 

At some point in my life I got the brilliant idea to study Arabic. One thing led to another and before I knew it I was studying at the University of Damascus, living in a country not very famous at the time. Life was good in Syria, beer was good in Syria, food was good in Syria, the weather was good in Syria and the landscape was amazing in Syria. All this lead me to invite some of my friends over, to crack Syrias oyster in half.

Step 2. Infiltrate the natives

 

Their flight landed early at a shanty international airport where big knives in your luggage are taken out to be admired, not to be questioned. Acquiring ancient haggling skills in the local market we stepped into Arab cloth worthy of the average guy. We shortly came to the conclusion that the Thawb was even more compelling with a Scottish twist to it, letting the breeze cradle your hotspots.

Dealing and stealing at the local market. Negotiation tip: be as loud as possible!

Step 3. Make war

 

Soon bored and up to mischief we decided to make something happen, so we invited several natives and co students of mine (most foreigners) to a match of paintball. The fight takes place similar to what is seen on the news from Syria today. A deserted place, lined with barbed wired fences, filled with asymmetric heaps of old soviet tiers, and a funny guy named Ali who seemed to believe he was fighting some kind of freedom fight.

We had Kenneth doing the terminator style, taking close to a hundred hits as he steadfastly walked on to breach the enemy camp, Thomas and I ended up breaking the back of a polish girl as we tore down heaps of sandbags burying the enemy beneath it. Instantly we received critique for being to violent by more civilized players. Having our reputation wrecked our departure was a reasonable next step.

Make war, not love.

Step 4. Escape town

 

Escaping in a car zigzagging between landmines and military command posts we had no idea where to make our abode for the night. We found it appropriate to swing by a monastery to seek godly sanctuary from all the havoc around us. In the mid 1800’s an Italian monk got tired of Italy and decided to revive an abandoned monastery in the hills of Homs. As long as you contribute with the daily chores you can stay for as long as you like in a totally secluded, alien and peaceful environment with Brother Domingo and any other stray dogs that’ve happened upon it.

What the fuck are those white idiots doing in Thwabs?

Italian monks monastery and hang out place in the mountains. A sanctuary far from accustomed to 7 rowdy norwegians.

Step 5.  Seeking that which will not be found

 

Some months earlier I had a good time with some hardcore Bedouins so I figured, let’s go and see them. What I didn’t take into account was that them being Bedouins means they tend to move around a lot, so we had a bumpy and 4 hour drive all around the outskirts of Palmyra where we meet them last. The place was by now overrun by howling stray dogs, confused sheep and the bloody clash of the two.

Sunrise in the Syrian desert, check.

Palmyra was once the start of a mighty oasis stretching all the way to the capital of Iraq, Bagdad.
Today it’s quite small, but there’s an entire town of ruins. 

Step 6.  Start a revolution

 

Having made war and done some collateral but being ostracized, a change of tactics was needed. In Dara’ the place where it all started for Syria’s part, a couple of kids wrote their dissatisfaction on a wall, and got a brutal retribution from Assad´s henchmen. Been there, done that. We also ate chicken, and dropped off a couple of remarks about Assad to it. A mere month before the kids did. Our feelings on this particular act were divided, as you can see well illustrated in the picture.

Assad, I´m over you

Step 7.  Hamam

 

If you ever travel to a Middle Eastern country, make sure you don’t pay for a tourist infested wannabe Hamam. They are without fault crap. Ask the guy selling you cigarettes were he goes, ask again and make him swear on the answer. This will lead you to a place brimmed with quiet, relaxing and chilled out locals. Enjoying a real mix between ice-cold water and really hot (not mint flavored) steam.
Let go of your intimate boundaries and have a scrub and massage, it’s not made to feel good, only to make you feel good afterwards.

Happy lads after being rubbed and scrubbed by sweaty, fat, hairy Arab males.

Step 8. The guy, my guy

 

The terrain and trip had been a rough ride for some of us. A soft bed, American food and beach life was demanded and deserved. Hook up with some locals, ask them how they get from Damascus to Beirut in Lebanon and you’ll get a quick and cheap car ride back and forth. Instead of a warm, slow and sweaty bus ride.

Once you’re there don’t turn up in a hotel and offer them all you money, meet my guy. During all seasons, all weather he’ll be like a sentinel guarding all your interests standing steadfast on the corner of a hotel below Radisson Blue in Beirut. For a small charge this Arabian entrepreneur going by the name "The Guy" will run in and out of receptions all across the city to find you the best hotel deal in town.

Just some of the pleasures that "The Guy" will guide you to in Beirut, Lebanon.